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"The Blue Bird of Evilness," Pencil & Highlighter on Scrap Paper,
Sloppily Scotch-Taped to Some Red What-Not
by Karen Kay Remus, Copyright 2014 |
Here he is, folks! The horribly mutated cousin of the "Blue Bird of Happiness," ready to peck out your eyes and bite your jugulars in that order. This feathered fiend shows no mercy.
Do not be fooled by its small size (golf ball). Just as "good things come in small packages," so do very very bad things, and this is the very baddest bad bird of all. It's an avian aberration. It didn't come from creation or evolution; it came from devilution: straight from Hell.
Notice that it has a beak AND teeth. It's an abominable avian freak of Birdy Kind. Birds are rarely evil. Even birds of prey are just doing their best, feeding themselves. Hawks, for example, do not purposely cause suffering. By contrast, this little mo-fo will leave you dying in agony, letting your meaty carcass go to waste. As the vultures swoop in, and start cleaning you up, your last thoughts are, "I saw it coming. I wish I'd had my tennis racket."
And oh, do the vultures LOVE the "BB of E," as they affectionately call it. They can talk, like most other birds. They are often overheard saying (for some reason, in heavy New Jersey accents) "The spoils of the 'BB of E' are betta than Mickey D's!" However, they must beware, because while feasting on a fresh BB of E victim, often the BB of E will circle back and attack the vultures. Just out of meanness, you understand. Vultures have tiny heads and necks, and the BB of E will just snap their heads right off, and fly away cackling.
You might say this creature has a really extreme case of "Small Bird Syndrome."
