Burrito Hangover And Dream Drug
by Karen Remus (c) 2018
Yesterday I had a burrito for every meal. Rushing on my way to work, I picked up two Seven-Layer Burritos at Taco Bell--one for breakfast and one for lunch. On my way home, I got an Epic Burrito from Del Taco for dinner. I only ate half, since it was the size of a football and the weight of a shot put.
Immediately after ingesting the half epic burrito, I took a full epic nap and had a truly epic dream. In the dream, I was laying on mother's living room floor, wrapped in a cloak of immobility. This may have represented a burrito wrapper. My colleague said I was "swaddled."
My legs were mysteriously floating in the air, while my upper body was held to the floor by traditional gravity. Furthermore, I was being dragged across the floor in random directions by some unseen force. It was as if The Invisible Man was holding me by the feet and trying to figure out where I looked best in the room. The floor was smooth tile in my dream, so fortunately, I was spared rug burns.
My mother was sitting in a chair, watching my strange predicament with nonchalance. "Do you need anything?" she asked.
"I would like an Alka Seltzer, please, if you have it," I said.
"No problem." She said, and left to make me an Alka-Seltzer, while I continued careening inexplicably across the living room floor.
That was where the dream ended. When I woke up, I was disoriented, immobile, and suffering heart-burn. When I was finally able to stand up, I wobbled on my feet and stabbed my shoulder with the sharp corner of my dresser. OUCH! I was having the worst burrito hangover of my life.
I stumbled through the dark toward the bathroom with Alka Seltzer on my mind. Ah, the miracle drug, I thought. It relieves the symptoms of immobility swaddling, burrito overdose, and being dragged inexplicably across the floor by unseen forces.
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