Lee H. Cardholder is a dang fool. He's sending copies of his credit card all over the United States, screaming, "Steal my identity!" at the top of his 8-pack-a-day smoker's lungs, and then he coughs hacks and gags, until chunks resembling pizza fragments fly out, while driving his Mercedes like a lunatic, and cutting out in front of you.
Lee H.Cardholder is actually an alias for well known, psychotic, Charge Blaster Two. And let me ask you: what population most commonly uses aliases? The criminal population! That's right. Charge Blaster Two is a "person," with all the rights and privileges of "person-hood." Actually, Charge Blaster Two has even more personal rights than you or I, because, as a corporation, it has "limited liability," meaning that it--or he--can, for example, rip off millions of individuals, plunging them to the depths of poverty, and not be held legally responsible.
Where did all that "bail out" money go, back when the economy tanked? You guessed it: into the already stuffed pockets of corporate entities like Lee H. Card Holder, AKA: Charge Blaster Two.
You may have gathered by now, Dear Reader, that I don't think too much of Charge Blaster Two/Lee. But man, does that dude DIG ME! He sends me letters every day, saying things like, "CONGRATULATIONS! Great News! You have been approved!" He keeps trying to woo me back into his oily embrace with compliments like, "You've been selected for this wonderful offer because of your hard work!"
"Blah blah blah blah--Please come back--I need you!" Then he/it starts singing that "Human League" 1980's song, "GIRL, DON'T YOU WANT ME?...." In a horrid, off-key computer voice, and I am suddenly transported back to the days when I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar (that much is true). But I digress...
Lee's desperate overture continues... "0% APR for one year*" Subtext: pay no attention to that asterisk behind the curtain. The asterisk explains in neutron-sized print, that after the introductory period, the APR becomes a mere 79.99%. Chump change, for people like "Lee," but I'm not supposed to notice.
"DON'T YOU WANT ME, BABY?" Sings Lee.
"No, I don't, you slimy leach," I sing back, in the loudest cocktail waitress voice I can manage without ruining my vocal cords. And I know that Lee's professed love for me is untrue, because he sends the exact same letters to my husband.
So what do I do? I feed his spurious letters to the SHREDDER! Or, sometimes, if I've let them accumulate for a couple weeks, I BURN them in the back yard, and I laugh: Moo hoo haa haa haa! And then I dance around the flames, singing, "I DON'T WANT YOU, BABY! I DON'T WANT YOU, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
And now, for your listening and viewing pleasure...
Click HERE
What's in MY wallet??? Not very much.. sadly.. not very much at all. I definitely do not have anything resembling that graphic, above.. in there. I guess they deem me "not-credit-worthy" which is saying A LOT because.. as you so eloquently stated.. Charge Blaster One is scum.. who will GIVE??? credit to anyone.. I think they even stopped sending solicitations to my house.. someone said something about trying to save stamps.. I still get their spam, though
ReplyDeleteThank you for your affirmation, Dear Reader! My new battle cry: kill your credit card(s)! (if you still have any). And once you've paid off what remains, NEVER GO BACK. Awake America has learned its lesson regarding these filthy plastic tools of devastation, and the "Credit Man" is shaking in his boots. Like Stephen King said, "Credit cards put barnacles on your hull." :o)
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